Planet Tokyo

Planet Tokyo Deleted my meltdown mega-post. Once I've calmed down, I always feel mean posting my perspective on the meltdowns I have.  That being so, I don't really know why I even bother posting. Really stressed yesterday. Took ages to get to sleep. Every cell in my body was in excruciating pain. I'm calmer today and all is fine, I guess. Maybe I exaggerate whatever sends me into meltdown mode? I don't know. Now that I'm over the personal meltdown hump, I'm getting neurotic about the weird back pains I've been experiencing, that feel more like internal organ pains than muscular or skeletal. That's something else on my list of what I haven't seen to. Knee and mysterious back pains. But maybe it's nothing. Maybe I'm just getting old and falling apart. I'm hoping it's not anything to do with my failure to follow up on another medical, because I'm too messed up to get my act together to see to that. Let's hope I don't die waiting to get my act together. On the other hand, I sometimes wish I would just drop dead. LOL Woke up feeling like death, but I'm better now. Hair's falling out by the bucket load (well, I exaggerate ... but it is loads). Onto the third black coffee of the day, in succession, which is unusually quick consumption of coffee for me. Normally, I'll sit on the coffee for ages, slurping from the same gone-cold cup for most of the day. The start to my day was late ... and then the proper 'start' to my day is like six hours later, when I feel calm, collected, alert etc. WTF? Who normally has six hours to devote to getting their act together and sort of tooling around, gathering their thoughts and coming good? It doesn't happen in the real world, in which the alarm goes off and you jump through routine hoops like you're a conscript in an army barracks, before charging to some wage-slave destination, as you negotiate daily traffic jams and frustrations that suck up your life minus pay, on the way to being confined with other unrelated, alien, dispensable cogs of capitalist economy, somewhere. The days are never long enough for me. In my ideal world each day would be a week.  Or even longer. I would love an uninterrupted week of just whatever. No sleep. Awake and alert, focused on whatever. But I'd probably go crazy doing that ... LOL