Planet Tokyo | Hard Rain

Planet Tokyo Woke up feeling like death. Expect it's because I've done a no-sleep double set of long spells, where I've had a brief amount of sleep between maybe a stretch of a couple of days without sleep or near enough and then another couple?  Not really sure.  I can't keep track of time any longer.  Maybe it was slightly less than 2 days or near enough to it?   Time is just a stretch that feels different, depending on what I'm doing at the time.  Sometimes it feels like a moment but it's hours.  Sometimes moments feel like hours.  LOL Yesterday my thinking would just stop and pause mid whatever I was doing for what felt like a really long stretches of 'woolly' liquid time.  It was really weird having involuntary stretches of being on marshmallow 'pause'.  I couldn't even write something simple.  I kept changing my mind.  Nothing looked right.  Really indecisive.   Not sure if that's lack of sleep, or if it's just me. Without sleep, I'm probably even more useless than I already am.  But it was sort of fun.  I finally slept when I was exhausted and could stand no more.  It's possible to break through the 'must sleep' barrier, if you can engage in some activity that sort of kick-starts the awake brain/emotion thing again.  But I'm not sure how long it's possible to do that - as in, if you can keep repeating that.  Wasn't game to repeat a third long stretch without sleep. Not sure if it's a side-effect of no sleep or a side-effect of always being tuned out and engrossed in whatever absorbs my attention, but I had the most horrible feeling when I joined Mr Semi-Off-His-Face for a cigarette outdoors, which I hardly ever do because I hardly smoke now.  I just have long cravings that are there all the time in the background, drowned out by my focus on whatever I'm interested in. I felt like I didn't know him.  Like he was a complete stranger.  Even his face.  LOL ... it was the creepiest feeling of alienation I have ever felt.  Mr Semi-Off-His-Face was a complete stranger and his face was creeping me out.  I didn't like his face.  LMAO ... it was like somebody else.  I don't know what that's about. I tried to tell him, but he just began arguing with me.  I can't tell him anything without his getting defensive and just arguing with me. I woke up today and told him if he doesn't trim his eyebrows, I'm leaving him. It's not just his eyebrows, it's the scowl he gets on his face when he's been drinking and it's how he speaks to me.  I feel alienated and strongly grossed out. And I can't stand his drinking any longer.  It makes me sick.  I find it repulsive.  It even changes how his face looks, and I really don't like how he looks and sounds when he's been drinking.  It changes the look on his face, it changes the sound of his voice and it changes his personality.  I feel like I don't know him.  I can no longer relate to him. I tried to tell him, but he won't listen.  It's impossible to speak to him.  He just argues with me. I think he thinks I'm kidding when I tell him I'm leaving him.  When he's drunk I can't stand any more.  I felt like I could just about have a mental breakdown being around his drinking.  It's just the drinking.  It doesn't have to be much drinking.  Any drinking.  Drinking looks ugly to me. The only new thing here is that I'm going to have a breakdown ... and I don't know who he is and cannot relate at all.  LOL. It's impossible to tell him anything.  I don't think he believes me when I tell him I've had enough.  He won't listen.  He shuts me down with sort of 'aggressive' argument, before he's even heard me out.  He doesn't even believe me when I tell him I'm going to have a breakdown.  He just laughs.  LOL I wish he would just stop drinking.  I could live with anything but the drinking.  I can't stand the drinking.  I don't understand why he won't stop and I'm sick of it.  I'm so sick of it that I cannot stand the sight of it or the smell of it.  I find it repulsive. I should e-mail him my post, but I couldn't be stuffed looking for my e-mail.  LOL.  Maybe he'll check out the blog and get an update like that. The post will get lost by the time he checks out the blog, as he's really not into the things I'm into. We disagree about everything.  I want to move somewhere completely alien ... even if I probably wouldn't cope well, LOL.  I just have an urge.  He's someone who wouldn't even want to move across state.  But I want to leave.  Or I think I want to leave.  I'm not sure.  I just don't feel satisfied.   I'm not sure what anchors him  and why it does not anchor me. The two of us are foreign countries already.  Our ambassadors have been recalled.  We're Libya.  LOL Yes, he and I are Libya. There's two governments.  It's chaos.  But the civil war is over ... it's nothing but devastation. I'm not liking any of the music I'm listening to.  It's boring me. I'm boring.  I only ever like the same things. It's frustrating me not being able to find something different to listen to. AUDIO | 1.0 This is OK. AUDIO |  2.0 Think I like this guy's ears.  I'm raiding his tracks list.  LOL I absolutely love this. I don't know what it is about it, but it feels so good. I like the long stretchy bits with the short bouncy or 'hoppy' bits. LOL AUDIO |  3.0 LOL ... I never listen to reggae.  But I don't mind this. AUDIO | 4.0 more humour _______________________________________ Or am I the only one that finds this funny? I felt really guilty for being so intolerant and so self-involved. So I thought I'd head over to the 'Libya #2 government' watching TV stretched out on the couch, to reconnect. He told me to go away. LMAO. I'm interfering with his watching TV. LOL I don't know if I'm still off my head from no sleep, but I'm finding him shooing me away really hilarious, when I was suffering such guilts.