Planet Tokyo | I Want Off This Ride

Planet Tokyo [RIGHT-CLICK, 'NEW TAB']  Cooking under way [RIGHT-CLICK, 'NEW TAB'] That's today's improvised chicken stew. Vegetables included eggplant (skin scorched on flame and rubbed off in cold water); onion, garlic; carrot; green beans; potatoes; tomato (tinned); Cannellini beans (tinned). Browned chicken thigh fillets (cubed), cooked off bacon, onion etc.   White whine de-glaze & cook down wine some.  Optional tomato paste.  A little brown sugar.  Bay leaves & no other herbs, as I was too lazy.  4 cups Chicken stock. Was worried smoky eggplant would be overpowering, but it turned out very nice. Very easy meal to prepare.  Made loads.  Enough there to freeze. Was in a good frame of mind, but dragging me down was having to monitor another person's drinking.  Or feeling like I have to ... feeling anxious.  After a couple of smallish arguments (nothing spectacular ... but the whole thing disturbs me), my mood has plunged completely and I'm sort of having a freak-out that I can't cope with more but also having a freak-out because I can't control it or end it. Felt like crying, but I almost never cry.  I'm now just sort of freaked out and stunned.  I feel kind of numb. There's never any getting through to this person. I don't know what I'm doing any longer. As in, there's never any opportunity to speak to him to explain to him that it is either the end of the drink or the end of the line for me. He won't listen when he's sober and he certainly doesn't listen when he's drunk. Maybe the best thing I can do is to just move. This sh*t will never end, because he's insane. LOL Right this minute, I hate him for putting me through this sh*t for years on end. ROUND #2 Finally exhausted, I try to crash out. But I can't. Rolling anxiety. D*ckhead wakes up and blames me for his runny nose.  Apparently, I'm 'responsible' for his runny nose because I woke him.  That's the mentality and 'logic' I'm up against. Nasty piece of work.  The attitude.  The tone of his voice.  The hostility. Reasonable requests met with flicking the bedding in my face and being a complete d*ckhead. No amount of reasonably speaking to this person makes any difference. Does the stonewall number on me when aggression is met with aggression. I'm so angry I'm bodily shaking.  It's a whole body experience. I'm stuck here living out this f*cking lunacy again and again because I cannot negotiate any kind of end to this, be it a peace or a parting. I wish I had the capacity to just knock him off his feet. Considers himself 'entitled' to drink. WTF? I have to live with it. Which part of that is so hard to understand? Which part of 'no' is incomprehensible to him? I'm dealing with the f*cking insane. I can't keep repeating this. I can't stand any more of this.